|New Jack City|
|Series 2, Episode 9|
|Air date||May 3, 1996|
Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading
Flight into Terror
Father Ted and Dougal mistakenly celebrate when a sick Jack leaves, only to be replaced by someone worse.
Father Jack contracts "Hairy Hands Syndrome" (level 6 out of a maximum 12) and is sent to St. Clabbert's Hospital for elderly priests, jokingly named "Jurassic Park" by the clergymen of Craggy Island, after the film of the same title.
To replace Jack while he is on leave is a new priest, Father Fintan Stack, an obnoxious, rude and destructive priest, who torments Ted and Dougal. Stack's torments include stealing Ted's breakfast, deliberately driving Ted's car into a wall and then telling him all about it and saying that all that mattered was that he liked it, insulting Ted and his friends in the priesthood, getting Dougal drunk on Jack's whiskey, drilling holes in the living room drywall for no particular reason and blasting jungle music at three in the morning. This leads to Ted labeling him "worse than Hitler" because "you wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at three in the morning".
Fed up with Father Stack, Ted and Dougal kidnap Father Jack back from Jurassic Park. Jack, upon returning to Craggy Island's parochial house, finds out about Stack giving his booze hoard to Dougal. This angers Jack to do what are presumably terrible things to Stack. However, he is stopped from taking his revenge when both Ted and Jack notice that Stack has caught the "Hairy Hands Syndrome" from Jack's ancient, diseased chair. Everything returns to normal, although Jack is locked in a hermetically sealed chamber to prevent him passing the hairy hands syndrome onto Ted and Dougal, which Ted considers an improvement. Meanwhile, Father Stack is sent to St. Clabbert's, where he still insists on playing his jungle music, distracting the other residents.
- Dermot Morgan as Ted Crilly
- Ardal O'Hanlon as Dougal McGuire
- Frank Kelly as Jack Hackett
- Pauline McLynn as Mrs. Doyle
- Brendan Grace as Fintan Stack
- Tony Guilfoyle as Larry Duff
- Paddy Joyce as Father Billy
- Declan Mulholland as Father Michael
- One of the horses mentioned in the race that Ted is listening to on the radio is called 'Divorce Referendum'. This is a reference to a referendum on that topic that was held in Ireland in November 1995, which passed and was signed into law on June 17, 1996, one month after this episode originally aired.
- Father Stack's jungle music is Limb By Limb (DJ SS Remix) by Cutty Ranks and The Way by DJ Taktix.
- The episode was named after the 1991 gangster film New Jack City.
- Mrs. Doyle parodies the opening scene of Don't Look Back, a 1967 documentary film by D.A. Pennebaker that principally covers Bob Dylan's 1965 concert tour of the UK.
- It is shown Ted is delighted if Jack somehow going to die from the Hairy Hand Syndrome in order to get his inheritance when the doctor hints that Jack might die from the syndrome.