Father Ted Wiki
Register
Advertisement

Tentacles of Doom is the third episode of Series 2 of Father Ted.

Synopsis[]

Craggy Island gets a visit by three bishops who have come to upgrade a local holy relic.

Story[]

The episode begins with Dougal reading a book of 'Gary Lineker's Book of Ghost Stories', supposedly too scary to complete - followed by a discussion with Ted on ghost sightings (following a rambling 'scary' story about Ted staying at his great-aunt's house where a girl had apparently hanged herself in his room, neither has seen any - Dougal's 'ghost' in fact being Ted himself).

While dealing with serious plumbing problems at the parochial house, which turns out to have started after Ted gave the toilet an extra hard flush after Jack used it and furthered by Jack hiding alcohol bottles in the plumbing. After removing the drinking bottles, everything appears to be alright again. Unbeknownst to the priests however, the plumbing is not completely fixed however, and water now spurts out from a water grate at the entrance to the Parochial House.

Downstairs, Ted receives some bad news. He learns that the nearby Holy Stone of Clonrichert is being upgraded to a "Class 2 relic" by the Vatican. Three bishops are to be sent to Craggy Island to perform the ceremony. This means that the priests must be "on their best behaviour". Ted realizes that Jack, in his perpetual drunkenness, stands to offend the bishops. He sets out to train Jack to say some all-encompassing phrases, apart from his usual stream of obscenities. After much effort, Jack is able to enunciate "Yes" and "That would be an ecumenical matter" after Ted says there will be drink for him if he manages. Mrs Doyle meanwhile has lost her contact lenses after a "dog ran off with them"- meaning she has to put on her ineffective spectacles which make her look like a "frustrated old bag."

When the bishops arrive, the priests manage to interact fairly normally with the visitors. Bishop Facks dominates conversation with enthusiastic rhetoric about improving the church's image. The oldest, Bishop Jordan, remains mainly contemplative, although he warns them that he has a heart condition, having had a heart attack last year. Dougal nearly gives him a heart attack when he gives a loud yell after finding out the film Aliens is on T.V, thinking Bishops love science fiction. Mrs Doyle goes into a fit of hysterical laughter when Bishop Jordan says his housekeeper isn't as good and sometimes he thinks he should be making the tea for her. At that point a cleaned up Father Jack comes down and having been taught the phrases Ted showed him, is able to answer the Bishops questions. To Ted's astonishment, Bishop O'Neill is genuinely impressed by Jacks answers and goes so far as to say that Jack will make a valuable contribution during their visit..

The ceremony passes without incident. With the holy stone now a Class Two relic, the priests and bishops break up into three groups; Bishop Facks and Father Jack stay at the site, whilst Ted walks back to the Parochial House with Bishop Jordan and Dougal with Bishop O'Neil. Ted is left thoroughly confused by Bishop Jordan's thoughts about mortality and death. After reaching the house, he asks to be excused for a trip to the toilet. Unfortunately, Bishop Jordan, who stays outside to admire the scenery situates himself above the drain where the parochial house's sewage is fired into the air. When Ted flushes the toilet, the old man gets the shock of his life.

Dougal and Bishop O'Neill meanwhile share a conversation about the formers doubts regarding organised religion and the Catholic Church. The Bishop listens to these arguments earnestly and is genuinely intrigued. As a result, having already had his faith tested, Bishop O'Neill, comes to some new conclusions and praises Dougal for his wisdom. The talk is interrupted however, when Mrs Doyle comes rushing in and notifies them that Bishop Jordan is dead. The group rush outside, with Bishop O'Neill wondering where Bishop Facks has got to? Facks it turns out is still at the relic site, displaying increasingly aggressive enthusiasm for Father Jack's religious "views". Unfortunately, after trying to make a particularly strong point about the media, Facks makes the mistake of jabbing Jack hard on the shoulder with his finger. Losing all restraint, Jack leaps out of his chair with a roar of anger, seizes the Holy Stone and advances on the Bishop.

Not long afterwards, the Bishops leave, each in his own separate way, having suffered their own unique fate at the hands of the priests:-

  • Bishop O'Neill, now going by the name of Eddie had decided to embrace Dougal's jumbled philosophy. Having renounced his faith, he gives up his life in the church for a life and decided to become a pot-smoking hippie. He is last seen getting into the back of a painted minivan, as he and some fellow hippies set off on a two month trip to India.
  • Bishop Facks is the next to leave. Escorted by a medical attendant, he is clearly in agony and appears to be barely able to either stand up or walk. He decides not to dignify Ted's question about whether or not the Holy Stone will "still be a Class 2 when they remove it" with a response. After giving the priest a cold look, he allows himself to be escorted to the waiting ambulance.
  • Last but not least, it is confirmed that Bishop Jordan has indeed died. A couple of pallbearers carry his coffin from the house to a waiting hearse.

With their guests gone, Ted and Dougal go back inside. After reflecting on the visit, Ted remarks that it went rather well. As the credits roll over the van, hearse and ambulance departing from the house in that order.

Trivia[]

  • "Aliens" is a 1986 sci-fi film starring Sigourney Weaver and directed by James Cameron.  It is the sequel to the 1979 film 'Alien' in which she also starred but was directed by Ridley Scott.
  • The "Ferrero Rocher gag" pokes fun at a commercial that became something of an icon in 1990s Britain.
  • The classification of the Holy Stone of Clonrichert as a Class 2 relic is based on Catholic theology.

Cast[]

Main Cast[]

Guest Cast[]

Continuity[]

  • Jack Hackett's regular vocabulary is expanded by one word starting in this episode, with "Girls!" being the new addition.


Series 2
#101 "Hell" #106 "The Plague"
#102 "Think Fast, Father Ted" #107 "Rock-a-Hula Ted"
#103 "Tentacles of Doom" #108 "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading"
#104 "Old Grey Whistle Theft" #109 "New Jack City"
#105 "A Song for Europe" #110 "Flight into Terror"
Advertisement